It was conducive for meditation and reflection. I don't know about you but if I find myself alone, I feel closer to God and to myself. It's like I'm becoming somebody else, the other me, maybe the repressed 'me'.
I recalled my thoughts and dreams in the past and tried to reconcile them with my current ones. Only a year ago, I hadn't thought of going into nursing studies. I had just encouraged friends who were enrolling to 2nd-course nursing degree. Now, I'm almost finished with it. One more year. I wonder if I could really make it to the end. I wonder how would it feel like taking the local board. Will I pass it? I remember vividly the last time I felt close to this feeling...apprehension, anxiety, and nervousness...it was the UPCAT. I really, desperately wanted to pass UPCAT. It haunted me even in my dreams. I dreamt of passing it but I refused to be overly hopeful. I'm the kind of person who would easily be disappointed whenever I had set high hopes on something. So, I keep a tight rein on my hopes even to the point that I am being a pessimistic. In the end, I passed UPCAT and I had graduated from my 'dream' university.
And now, when I finished my second degree, I'll be going through the same predicament. But I asked myself, 'will I survive it this time?" Do I really want it that bad? Of course....I keep on telling myself, "Maging RN lang ako dito sa Pinas, masaya na ako!" Some would say I should not be too obsessed with being a RN here, I should aspire for being a RN in the US. What I always tell myself, "Iba pa rin talaga kung RN ka sa sarili mong bansa..."
And so my solitary afternoon ended, with an ultimate resolution to just live one day at a time and learn to convert my worries into a positive energy to be spent on worthwhile activities.
Who knows, next year, I might be a totally different person....because I'll be a RN by then. Coolness! hahaha