Thursday, January 18, 2007

One solitary afternoon...

Last Sunday afternoon, unexpectedly I had a chance to be solitary...with me were my favorite floral Havaianas slippers and my newly bought-best-buy beach bag. I was supposed to be attending a class but somehow it was abruptly ended, or finished too early rather.

My best-buy beach bag carrying my knick-knacks!

My favorite slippers...

My rooty feet (maugat na paa)...hahaha

It was a quiet beach resort. The conference hall was just adjacent to the shore, merely 3 meters away. The music you'll hear is the slapping of waves and its subtle regression. The wind was breezy and deliciously cool. The weather was not too sunny and gloomy...a moderation of both I could say.

Simply put, it was a perfect day to be solitary at the beach.

It was conducive for meditation and reflection. I don't know about you but if I find myself alone, I feel closer to God and to myself. It's like I'm becoming somebody else, the other me, maybe the repressed 'me'.

I recalled my thoughts and dreams in the past and tried to reconcile them with my current ones. Only a year ago, I hadn't thought of going into nursing studies. I had just encouraged friends who were enrolling to 2nd-course nursing degree. Now, I'm almost finished with it. One more year. I wonder if I could really make it to the end. I wonder how would it feel like taking the local board. Will I pass it? I remember vividly the last time I felt close to this feeling...apprehension, anxiety, and nervousness...it was the UPCAT. I really, desperately wanted to pass UPCAT. It haunted me even in my dreams. I dreamt of passing it but I refused to be overly hopeful. I'm the kind of person who would easily be disappointed whenever I had set high hopes on something. So, I keep a tight rein on my hopes even to the point that I am being a pessimistic. In the end, I passed UPCAT and I had graduated from my 'dream' university.

And now, when I finished my second degree, I'll be going through the same predicament. But I asked myself, 'will I survive it this time?" Do I really want it that bad? Of course....I keep on telling myself, "Maging RN lang ako dito sa Pinas, masaya na ako!" Some would say I should not be too obsessed with being a RN here, I should aspire for being a RN in the US. What I always tell myself, "Iba pa rin talaga kung RN ka sa sarili mong bansa..."

And so my solitary afternoon ended, with an ultimate resolution to just live one day at a time and learn to convert my worries into a positive energy to be spent on worthwhile activities.

Who knows, next year, I might be a totally different person....because I'll be a RN by then. Coolness! hahaha

3 comments:

  1. "...if there's one thing in my life
    that's missin'
    It's the time that I spend alone
    sailing on the cool and bright clear water
    there's kind of a special feeling
    when you're out on the sea alone
    staring at the full moon like a lover..."

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  2. yeah, 'aint that a great feeling? I'm a beach person and if there's really one thing that I'm missing most now, it is spending a day at the beach...but what the heck, summer is almost here! :-)

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  3. tol, aw kelangan ba english ang comment? unsa ba ni jejejeje. aw sa makaya ra ha, wait kuha sa ko tissue kay murag gadugo na sugod ako ilong, the mere thought na mag-ingles kay nagreact na ako dugo jejejeje. nywz,never in those times that we're together did i imagine u being a nurse, a bouncer or wrestler cud have been more acceptable. But i guess we really cud not tell the future coz here u are short of being a registerd nurse... i know u'l pass the board, coz if u wont then u simply didnt study enough, that's how simple it is. hihihihihi. i always perceived u as an intelligent woman tol, and i know u firmly believe in it, i even have doubts that u are a narcissist in your past life hahahaha. well, this is enough for now, the face is freakinly bloodied already hahahahaha.

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