To set me free...

As had been our tradition here in the office, a mass was held last Friday morning. Normally, I hardly get to attend in such activity because on most instances, I'm late or if not, I'm tied with urgent tasks. Anyways, as I was early to arrive in the office that day, I was able to hear the service.

I never had great expectations from the masses that I attend into. Most often than not, I usually get bored even at the beginning. However, the priest that celebrated the mass was a family friend of ours, so I felt obliged.

The 1st reading was about the story of 12 brothers, of which Joseph "the dreamer" was the youngest. The story tells what jealousy, greed, insecurity, and lacking of a loving heart does to people. I know you're already familiar with this particular story so I'll not elaborate on it more than I should.

Then the priest started his sermon by asking the people: "What is the place of jealousy, greed, and insecurity in my life?" He related his personal experiences as a counselor to many people who come to him in comfort of their heavy hearts. He said jealous people are those who lack love in their hearts because they simply don't know how to love other people. The common reason for this is the fact that they never felt loved by their family and significant others. How else could you love if you hadn't known what it is in the first place?

So, he continued saying that lack of love leads one to harbor jealousy, which then brings about insecurity and in order to fulfill the need to re-assure and compensate one's dificiency, one is inclined to feel posessiveness and greed. He gave specific examples of instances wherein such emotions manifest in our character & personality: we are possessive with our friends that we don't want to share them with other people for fear of being alienated and left out along the way; in relationships, we tend to be doubtful in our partner's actions without realizing that such emotion is what eating us and eventually leads to low self-esteem and other insecurities; in family, we harbor ill feelings whenever we feel that one sibling is being favored more than us and this ruins our interpersonal relationship with that sibling and our parents...

These are true. I was listening to him but my mind was on something else. I was rather evaluating myself if I'm one of those people who are pampering jealousy, greed, and insecurity in my psyche. Then I realized that I am. I am insecure...of many things. I hope that someday I might be able to set myself free from all those negative energies. They say things like these are hard to cure...maybe because your ultimate opponent is YOURSELF. Right now, I am on a battle with my self-set standards and great expectations against what is ESSENTIAL.

So from now on, everytime I think I'm being my jealous, insecure, and greedy self again, I'll only say these words, "God, I'm yours, save me." (This was what Martin Luther kept on saying to himself everytime the 'darkness' is tempting him to turn against God and doubt his own faith.)

I'd like to set me free. So, help me God.