Last night, we went to a resort to have some relaxation...with all my cousins, my parents, my boyfriend...a last attempt of exorcising all the holiday sweats in our bodies before finally jumping back to the reality. Anyways, we've had fun...as always when we're all together...just like the old times.
One thing I love about swimming is that it depletes your energy so that you'll get a chance of sleeping away swiftly and deeply. Indeed I slept easily and soundly...but somehow, as always, I found myself in a semi-trance wherein I know I'm dreaming and just can't wake up and other part of me is telling myself it's for real and not just a dream.
In the countless times that I've dreamt of my father, he's always dying...in my arms. Then I feel so devastated...in denial. On some instances, I jerk from my sleep and my face was really wet from my perspiration and tears...very horrible.
Last night, I dreamt that my father and I was on a certain island...a beach resort. He's telling me to get something for him and come just back when I got it. He said he'll just be along the beach, might take a dip or whatever. Then when I came back, he's already lying on the shore...dead. I hate having these kind of dreams because they seem so true and just so painful. I was crying so hard...everybody in the family learned about what happened. They were trying to console me. I was nagging and blaming myself for what happened...maybe if I hadn't left him, he could've still be alive...it really seemed so true...
I woke up because my alarm set off. I let out a sigh of relief. Thank God it's not true. But somehow, the feeling of sorrow doesn't leave that easily. It lingers...fear consumes me...what if it's gonna happen eventually? I hope it doesn't happen soon. I can't take...I'm afraid my reaction and emotions would be like those that I keep on having on my dreams...
Why do I keep on having these nightmares?
One thing I love about swimming is that it depletes your energy so that you'll get a chance of sleeping away swiftly and deeply. Indeed I slept easily and soundly...but somehow, as always, I found myself in a semi-trance wherein I know I'm dreaming and just can't wake up and other part of me is telling myself it's for real and not just a dream.
In the countless times that I've dreamt of my father, he's always dying...in my arms. Then I feel so devastated...in denial. On some instances, I jerk from my sleep and my face was really wet from my perspiration and tears...very horrible.
Last night, I dreamt that my father and I was on a certain island...a beach resort. He's telling me to get something for him and come just back when I got it. He said he'll just be along the beach, might take a dip or whatever. Then when I came back, he's already lying on the shore...dead. I hate having these kind of dreams because they seem so true and just so painful. I was crying so hard...everybody in the family learned about what happened. They were trying to console me. I was nagging and blaming myself for what happened...maybe if I hadn't left him, he could've still be alive...it really seemed so true...
I woke up because my alarm set off. I let out a sigh of relief. Thank God it's not true. But somehow, the feeling of sorrow doesn't leave that easily. It lingers...fear consumes me...what if it's gonna happen eventually? I hope it doesn't happen soon. I can't take...I'm afraid my reaction and emotions would be like those that I keep on having on my dreams...
Why do I keep on having these nightmares?
hi, rain... bloghopped from TK.
ReplyDeletemaybe it is your fear that has been lingering for quite some time - the fear of losing a beloved. as we see death, it has always seem to be unfair, but as i have read from a book, death is not a termination but a transition to eternity. prayers do help to lessen, if not erase, our fears.
nice blog you have here.. mind if i link you up?
Sure Bing, I'll do the same with you...I guess it's human nature to fear death...especially tragic ones. I just hope that if ever I'll lose a loved one, it would not be by a tragic death.
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